Journal

DD/MM/YYYY

08/10/2024 DA: Energi dør aldrig. Det forvandler sig. Dette betyder, at den eneste ting i helheden af evigheden der har en ende, er bevidsthed. Tænk over det på denne måde. Når du dør, bliver din krop til energi som alt andet. Men din bevidsthed holder op med at eksistere. At opleve livet er det eneste, der ikke er uendeligt. Livet var ikke planlagt, der er ingen større mening. Vi blev sat her ved en fejl. En fuldstændig tilfældig chance. Og det vil være lige så tilfældigt, når vi dør ud. Om vi overlever til solen eksploderer. Eller vi bomber os selv væk fra Jordens overflade langt før det. Vi vil ende. Og vi bliver glemt, når der ikke er nogen til at huske os. Livet er meningsløst. Et rent biprodukt af noget sygt rumstøv. Jeg laver min egen mening. For mig er mennesker en foruroligende, ødelagt og ond art. Men jeg finder undtagelser af og til. Mine venner. Jeg vælger at lukke dem ind i mit liv, fordi de ser ud til at have et hjerte. Selvom vi er politisk uenige noglegange, eller hvis vi er enige, det er da lige meget. Vennen er personen, sjældent deres synspunkter. Jeg prøver at være loyal og holder af mine venner. Og for min sag. Men når jeg hjælper naturen, gør jeg det ikke for mennesker. Jeg gør det for Jorden. Jeg tjener planeten. Forsøger at opføre mig som antivirusbakterier i stedet for en virus, som resten af vores art er. Jeg ser venner som mennesker, der har hjerte nok til at være enten neutrale eller et antivirus, som jeg prøver at være. Folk, der udelukker sig selv fra den bredere befolkning af snavs. EN: Energy never dies. It transforms. This means the only finite thing in the entirety of eternity is consciousness. Think about it this way: When you die, your body turns into energy like everything else. But your consciousness ceases to exist. Experiencing life is the only thing that is not infinite. Life was not planned; there is no greater meaning. We were put here by mistake. A complete random chance. And it's gonna be equally as random when we die out. Whether we survive till the sun blows up, or we bomb ourselves off the surface of the Earth way before that, We will end. And we will be forgotten when there is no one to remember us. Life is meaningless. Purely a byproduct of some sick space dust. I make my own meaning. To me, humans are a disturbing, broken, and evil species. But I find exceptions on occasion. My friends. I choose to let them into my life because they seem to have a heart. Even if we disagree politically, or if we agree, it doesn't matter. The friend is the person, rarely their views. I try to be loyal, and I care for my friends And for my cause. But when I help nature, I do not do it for humans. I do it for Earth. I serve the planet. Trying to act like anti-virus bacteria rather than a virus, like the rest of our species is. I see friends as people who have heart enough to be either neutral or an anti-virus, like I try to be. People who exclude themselves from the wider population of dirt.

23/09/2024 DA: Jeg tænker, at det faktisk kunne være en sund idé at holde fast i et lille strejf af nihilisme. Det jeg mener er, hvis jeg forstår betydningen af nihilisme korrekt. Livet er meningsløst. Universet er ligeglad. Du vil blive glemt. Vores art er ikke uendelig. Uanset hvilken arv du efterlader er også med ende. Ikke? Så livet er meningsløst. Der er ingen grund, intet formål. Men jeg accepterer det. Ingen mening? Det er okay! Jeg finder min egen mening. Og jeg vil gøre det til min mening at betyde noget her, nu. Hvorfor skulle jeg bekymre mig om at have betydning for det større univers eller hvad der nu måtte være derude? Og hvorfor skal jeg så betyde noget i fremtiden? Når jeg kan betyde noget her, nu. Og gøre det til mit mål, at tage mig af dem omkring mig, såsom venner og familie. Åh og selvfølgelig ikke at glemme mig selv. Og mens jeg fokuserer på at have betydning her og nu, vil en af mine betydninger, at tage sig af planeten, også ende med at få betydning i fremtiden, hvis alt går vel, selvom jeg bare gør det for at have en mening her og nu. Når det er sagt, nu har jeg lavet min egen mening og formål. Det er at betyde noget for mine venner og familie her og nu. At hjælpe planeten, hvor jeg kan. At lære om naturen for at forbedre mine evner til at hjælpe den. Kæmper for mit syn, selvom jeg kun kommer til at spille en lille rolle i det i løbet af mit liv. Og udtrykke mig via musik og denne journal. Jeg er kun 22, da jeg skriver dette, men jeg tror, at holde fast i den smertefulde sandhed, at der ikke er nogen mening, er godt som et kreativt menneske, fordi det giver mig mulighed for at finde mit eget. Sådan ser jeg det i hvert fald lige nu. EN: I think it might actually be a healthy idea to hold on to a little touch of nihilism. What I mean is, if I understand the meaning of nihilism correctly. Life is meaningless. The universe does not care. You will be forgotten. Our species is finite. Whatever legacy you leave is also finite. Right? So life is meaningless. There's no reason, no purpose. But I accept it. No meaning? That's ok! I'll find my own meaning. And I'll make it my meaning to matter here, now. Why would I worry about mattering to the greater expanse of space or whatever might be out there? And Why do I need to matter then, in the future? When I can matter here, now. And make it my goal, to take care of those around me, such as friends and family. Oh and of course not forgetting myself. And while focusing on mattering here and now, one of my meanings, that being taking care of the planet, will inadvertently also end up mattering in the future, if all goes well, even if I am just doing it to have a meaning here and now. That being said now I have made my own meaning and purposes. Mattering to my friends and family here and now. Helping the planet where I can. Learning about nature to better my skill in caring for it. Fighting for my vision, even if I only get to play a small part in it during my lifetime. And expressing myself via music and this journal. I'm only 22 as of writing this, but I think holding on to the painful truth that there is no meaning, is good as a creative person because it allows me to find my own. That's how I see it right now at least.

16/04/2024 I hate online shopping and today gave me another valid reason to... Imagine ordering a synth from Germany because all music stores in your country closed (Because online shopping killed them.) Then the synth arrives with internal flaws causing low volume and annoying noise in the signal. I tested multible cables to make sure it wasn't just a bad cable. Now I gotta send it all the way back to Germany for replacement and wait another week. Had stores been a thing: Would go to a store, test the synth and make sure it worked before bringing it home. Had a problem? Would go to the store and get a replacement then and there. All within the day. I miss when music stores still existed around here.

24/02/2024 I am tired of the city. But due to the constraints and consequences of my disability and the help I therefore need, I am stuck forever living in one. I dream of waking up in a wooden cabin in an edge between forest and meadow, river rushing and birds singing, as I stand on my porch and enjoy a cup of coffee under the golden glow of the early spring sunrise. I also would not change my neighbors for anything. They're extremely kind people.

24/02/2024 Well I've gotta try to get up again. I won't ever become truly happy if I stop crawling back up when I get knocked down. I'd better keep giving life my all, even when it is very little. Little is still more than nothing.

24/02/2024 Some times giving people a third chance before the strike, is probably not the best idea. Someone treats you like crap, it will happen. I'm sure we've all met less than favorable people. Sometimes they don't even realize they're annoying you and then they refuse to accept it when you finally tell them the problem. But I always believed 3 chances was fair. I'm not so fond of that idea no more. Especially when you finally reach out to communicate about the issues of one of those people, and then the person you thought would be smart enough to help, shows to be down on their exact level. It's never easy letting go of friendships, but it has to be done. And I think for once, maybe I should stop finding new people. I'll still try to be kind, but I'll stick to the still loyal few kind friends I got. It's a wacky world out there guys, and it doesn't like us, who are ill in the head.

18/02/2024 Went outside for a walk today. Found a neat little area with some water and some mud in between the trees. Had a stick hold the camera to take a photograph of me. Just a little place I found nice. Might return in the summer to see it all green.